I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
