it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
