I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
