i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize