I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
