It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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