It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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