She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We talked him into tasing himself.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
