never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize