yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
