finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
