You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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