You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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