Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
