Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
