my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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