Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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