Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
