i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
