k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
