I'm so fucking centered right now
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My dick has a subreddit
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
