so that wasnt chicken after all
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
