Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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