a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
