Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
