the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
