Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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