wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
