i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
