I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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