quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
