Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
