i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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