Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
