You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My hand turned me down
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
