I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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