If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
