@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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