Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
