P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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