Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
