she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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