don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
