I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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