He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
