Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
