Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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