i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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