3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
