I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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