She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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