I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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