im so drunk with asians
where?
always
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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