Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
