He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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