i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
