We're facebook friends in real life
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
