can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
