No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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