If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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