I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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