Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
That accounts for only three of the penises
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
