i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
