Well apparently he's into motor boating.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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