This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
