yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
