Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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