i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
