let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
