sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
