I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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