1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
