I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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