U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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