I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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