I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
worst night to have a conscience
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Are we still banned from the library?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
