It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize