Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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