Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize