What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
