And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
be right there i have to get my cape
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
