I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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