i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
