Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Girls should come with a carfax report
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
