wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
