fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
