He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
