I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Is it because I queefed?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
