woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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