I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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