I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
