I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
