did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
