So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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