Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
