Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
