I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize