Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
