we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
