DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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