he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize