i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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