Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
