im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
