Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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