tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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