:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
