Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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