Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?

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(906): View more from Michigan

I seriously wish I was FB friends with her

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(315): View more from New York

just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win

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(707): View more from California

I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.

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(514): View more from Quebec

Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.

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(702): View more from Nevada

Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.

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(727): View more from Florida

Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.

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