$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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