I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
