just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Farmville is her only friend.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
